Trusting the Process
Welcoming stillness into my life has been profound.
When I moved to California I noticed neighbors planting milkweed in their gardens to attract Monarch butterflies. Something I have always loved about Monarchs: they will not attempt to fly in rain storms. Instinctually, they know raindrops will damage their wings. They rest through heavy weather and wait in stillness for storms to pass.
This is such a beautiful lesson in self-preservation. It’s okay to rest during the storms in your life. It’s okay to wait, knowing that you will fly again beautifully when the storm has passed.
Why do people treat solitude like a bad word? Often the most productive, beautiful choice is resting, giving yourself time to disconnect and recharge. I like to remind my clients that we are human-beings not human-doings.
Lately there are a lot of forces working against the very human need for stillness and rest. There are too many moments in our days when we are meant to questions our choices. They come in the form of thousands of reels and videos and memes telling us to select differently regarding food, supplements, exercise, and meditation. But maybe you’re a picky eater, feel uncomfortable at fitness centers, and haven’t found the form of meditation that best suits you. All of that is okay.
Only you can know what will be natural or meaningful for you. And what works for you isn’t locked in place; it will change and evolve over time—that’s a good thing.
Self-care is so individual— there’s no sense in any self-help author or guru pretending it’s a one-size-fits-all scenario. But here’s a thing that is true for us all, and I think it’s sacred: your body is designed to protect you. That’s why it’s essential that we keep attending to our well-being, keep reducing stress, and keep bringing peace to our daily lives.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said that if we teach every eight-year-old child how to meditate we will eliminate violence from the world in one generation. This feels amazing and true. When people hear talks by the Dalia Lama for the first time—whether in person or on video—they are often surprised by the way he makes funny comments and literally giggles. Here is a spiritual leader, whose life circumstances are deeply serious, letting in softness, making time for joy.
Study after study shows that people who meditate lower their risk of anxiety, hypertension, high cholesterol, adult-onset diabetes, and more. And I can tell you, anecdotally, parents who meditate are less likely to feel like screaming in the morning carpool line at school! Sometimes meditation is a deep-breathing prayer.
Before my manic episode and spiritual awakening, I was never able to sit still. When my brother recommended that I do yoga, I laughed at him and said that I didn’t have time for it. I realize now it’s the people that say that they don’t have time for yoga or meditation that need it the most! In those days it would not have killed me to take the time to stand in tadasana (tree pose) or in matyasana (fish pose), or even to lie in shavasana (corpse pose). In fact, it would have centered me!
I know now that I had undiagnosed anxiety, plus I was carrying PTSD from my early childhood trauma. I think I always kept busy because I was too scared to slow down and look within myself, to face the work my inner-child needed me to do. I thought that if I had a thousand things to do, the past was never going to catch up with me.
It’s amazing to me, and shocking to my lifelong friends that I am now able to sit down and relax, that meditation is now a yummy part of my life. However, it has taken me a long, long time to get to this state where I am able to truly experience rest and relaxation. Going to the root cause of what is causing us to be, let’s say, over-energetic, can be transformational and have life-long benefits. I tell my clients that it’s okay if it takes time, to please trust the process.
I invite you to join me for healing exercises and guided meditations featured in my new book, Unconditional: Mental Health Redefined, and on my website, marajjames.com.
[The above was adapted from Chapter Three, “The Art of Stillness,” in Unconditional: Mental Health Redefined, available in print and e-book editions across the United States, as well as in Australia and the United Kingdom. The international Kindle edition is now available in the European Union. And great news for our audiobook lovers! Unconditional: Mental Health Redefined is available on Apple and Audible!]
Unconditional: Mental Health Redefined launched weeks ago and I cannot begin to describe what a joy it has been to see this book in readers’ hands!
Many of you have touched my heart by asking what you can do to help get the word out and expand the audience for Unconditional. Therefore humbly, I suggest the following.
Tell your friends! Word-of-mouth is the magic that promotes books, and social media is word-of-mouth gone digital.
Do you have a book club? I’ll be scheduling Spring 2026 club appearances soon. I would love to visit your book club via Zoom (or in-person if you’re local)!
Ask for it at your local libraries! Unconditional is perfect for library collections, so it helps for librarians to know of your interest.
Post a brief review with stars! Those little reviews on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Goodreads can have big impact.
Audiophile friends? Unconditional is now available on Apple and Audible!
Invite others to this Substack! I’ll be sharing news, promotions, and event announcements first with my Substack subscribers.
Thank you! I am deeply grateful for every cheer. Together we can help heal the world.
“To build deep connections with others, we must first be connected to ourselves.”
More about Unconditional: Mara guides readers boldly through her family’s mental health journeys—from the path of her children’s individual challenges to the destination of her own bipolar disorder diagnosis. She shows others how she found resilience and strength as she embraced the reality that mindfully parenting our children requires us to stop along the way to know and nurture our own inner child.
More about Mara J James: Mara is Founder and CEO of the Extraordinary Lives Foundation nonprofit organization and the HUGS Healing Center. Her Piggie Bear® children’s book series is celebrated in learning centers nationwide. She and her husband, Dr. Kenneth James, met as students at the University of Rochester and now have the honor to be parents to three amazing adult children. They live in Southern California.
Books are magic.
Do you have favorite books about mental health, wellness and healing, or spiritual journeys? We want your recommendations! Please feel free to share your titles with me in the chat!
I wish you beauty in your own reading and on your healing journeys . . .